What's Been Spinnin' On My Record Player

Consider yourselves warned, as this will be here there and everywhere and is likely to change gears without a moments notice. And if anything seems like I'm looking for sympathy, I'm not, just processing.

 ~ We're done with school for the summer Woo-Hoo! To celebrate, the kids all decided to get sick, and people are questioning my parenting since we have had the sickest fall/winter/spring E.V.E.R.  No, I don't know why we have been so sick other than with 5 children it just takes longer to trickle through.

~ It is very humid in our house today.

~I'm presently nursing a hot, sticky, sweaty baby.

~Who has humidity curls : )

~ I am VERY VERY VERY excited about what will be arriving later today. Very.

~ It will have it's very own blog post tomorrow or Thursday or maybe even tonight, one that's been turning itself over and over in my brain for a good 6 months.

 ~ I just finished an omelet for lunch and added fresh rosemary, thyme and chives. Why has no one told me of this delight before?!?! (Why has doing it never occured to me?)

~ My chamomile is nearly a foot and a half tall, blooming and covered in aphids or thrips. (Cuss.)

~ Tried vinegar and dish soap on some nasty weeds: totally worked.

~ I haven't killed any of my seeds I started! But they are also not in the ground yet, so there is still time...

 ~I lost 7 pounds! 5 have stayed off, the other 2 come and go. It doesn't sound like much, but my too-big-it's-all-I-have clothes are REALLY too big now. I'm noticing inches going down even when the scale isn't.

~ B. keeps telling me to go shopping. However A.) I hate clothes shopping due to it's depression inducing traits and B.) ideally I would like to lose another 15-20 lbs. so anything I buy now will just be a waste of money.

~ We are going to a grad party next week that is on par with a wedding reception (longish story made short: guy B. works with, his son is severely autistic and since he will never marry etc. etc. they want to do it up big for his HS graduation).  I have no dressy clothes that fit or can be nursed in. In fact all of the summer clothes I have that are somewhat wearable in public: 3 starting to pill t-shirts and one skirt that I have to keep hiking back up. This is causing me much angst.

~ It dawned on me whilst evaluating the clothing situation that I try to imitate people that I like or am intimidated by (but everyone else just seems to love) so that people will like me. Most of these are styles I can't pull off, or don't care for. I have no idea who the heck I am anymore.

~ My Pinterest board should be helping me, but everything I like is for people who aren't nursing or don't need to lose weight.

~ This post is turning out so cheerful  ain't it?

~ I started a major spring cleaning however I forgot before embarking one very important thing: I have children and they seem to want to be fed, kept busy, held, diapered...

~ Sprout is grinding his teeth and Beans is NOT napping.

~  I had a revelation in the shower this morning: Nearly everyone I know in real life seems as if they could care less about what I do, want to do, need to do, try to do, get excited over or upset about. So I stay quiet because I clearly have nothing worth listening to. No matter how big or small. They sure want to be heard, but I get excited and try to talk or ask questions, I get tuned out and ignored. (Maybe I'm trying to be the center of attention and don't realize it???) And so that is how I've been thinking God looks at me. He has no interest in anything I do, so I get tuned out and ignored. Others are more important. And I don't talk to Him very much if it has to do with me, I try to stick with talking to Him about others, the ones everyone else cares about and wants to talk to because clearly they are the important ones. This is going to be a very hard mindset to change. BUT CHANGE IT I MUST. 

~ That has prompted me to make sure I don't look at my kids like that and that I give them my attention and enthusiasm when they want to talk and show and tell.

~ Never underestimate the power of someone you thought was a friend telling you how stupid, ugly, bratty and awful you are when you were 8. It will follow you into your 30's. And being home schooled didn't shield me from it.

~ When on occasion growing up you've been compared to others by others and found (In their minds) wanting, good luck shaking that off. Ever.

~ I made myself 3 skirts! 1 is too big and not flattering, 1 I don't really like, and 1 I do like but I have to keep hiking back up.

~ I was somewhat sad when I realized that trying to pull off a Memorial day picnic was impossible this year. But THEN my in-laws said come to our house and we will smoke ribs and we said heck yeah! and I can't wait 'til Monday now!

~I'm trying to drink green tea since it's good for weight loss but boy I'm not a tea drinker.

Well, on that chipper note, I'm off to clean up the kitchen, get ready for a delivery, shush a small boy, and attempt to disentangle myself from a baby. And maybe have some iced coffee : 9