Playing In the Dirt and Dealing With An "F" Word

That last part freak anybody out? Good.

Well, today is the first day of spring-yippee!

It's also snowing.

We planted seeds to celebrate.  And thumbed our noses at school to do so.

They way I've got it figured though, since we've been doubling up every day that we can, we'll still finish around Memorial Day. I hope.

Rebecca had the most wonderful seed starting post this morning, that I read while nursing Sprout.

(which is what I'm doing now too, if you were wondering.)

And so I got out *MY* enamel bowl because that is what Rebecca used and it was a good idea to steal.

Muffin jumped right in. She can be a little wary of things so this made me quite happy.

We surprisingly got more dirt in the cow-pots than we did on the table and floor.

And then we planted

Lots of things

With a good bit still left to do

"Take a picture of me hugging the bowl of dirt!"

                                 

AND THEN! I set them under the grow-lights! The ones that I was going to build with PVC pipe and shop-lights and that B. said "NO! I will buy you the set up for your birthday!"

And I said "Are you sure? That's a lot of money if I still kill everything..."

 And he said "Nonsense!" And here they are. I'm really excited about them!

Which brings me to: "The "F" Word.

F.A.I.L.U.R.E

I was wondering why I'm so afraid of doing things. New recipes, new projects, etc., etc. 

And then I realized I'm not afraid of *doing* them. I'm afraid of *failing* at them.

Of wasting precious time or B.'s hard earned money and having nothing to show for it.

I'm trying to change. But it ain't easy. Failure shows its ugly head everywhere: the bathrooms still waiting to be cleaned, the laundry that never got folded, supper last night which I've made plenty of times but yesterday just wasn't that good, the frustrated scoldings, memories of past gardens and projects that have bombed. Going to the store for much needed new clothes and coming home empty handed. Homeschooling and never feeling like I actually *taught* something. Things that others seem to breeze through and then give you a funny look about it when you can't.

 Because *I* wasn't good enough and *I* failed. 

Failed at being the right size, remembering an ingredient, understanding directions, failing at being a calm mama and counting to 3 before opening my mouth, getting started when I had the chance, trying to teach and wondering why b and d and p and q and g are still confusing Biscuit. Failing as a homemaking wife by not having clean socks and underwear for B. in the drawer, or remembering to stow a few rolls of t.p. under his sink for when he needs it.

But I'm trying, a little at a time, eating my elephant in lots of small bites instead of a few big gulps. I have to. I have 10 little eyes watching and taking it all in. And goodness knows I don't want to pass this on to them.

Conundrum

Muffly-Puffly-Poo's birthday, is somewhat fast approaching. Since she LOVES to have her "kids" (dolls) with her (really, she doesn't ask for her dolls, she wants to know where her kids are) at pretty much all times, and the much loved Dolly needs brain surgery, (once I brush up on my cosmetic surgery skills) I'm thinking a cloth baby doll is in order. We have some very cute plastic dolls, but she definitely goes for our rag dolls. Here's the dealio: What the heck pattern do I use? I have this one, and this one. I'm not sure the Kewpie one is quite what I'm looking for, though it has the advantage of being jointed, but that's not a necessity. The other one is cute and looks a lot like these, which I think have really sweet faces.

Now, after poking around on the web (FYI, I DO NOT recommend googling cloth baby dolls. At least not when children may happen by.) I've found these two free patterns: one two.

Please ignore the freakish face on doll one. It has the advantage of being able to make it look like this. Yeah, how cute is that?

Doll two. Oh doll two. I have long loved the simple sweetness of Waldorf /Waldorf style dolls. But. After coming across Waldorf nearly everywhere in my 'net searches, I decided to research it. Gah. Despite its very family oriented feeling, lots of homeschoolers, and penchant for all things natural and homemade, it is, in plain simple terms, a cult. The founder was a nut, and well, if you want more info, I'll give it to you, but right now I'm bunny trailing. So back to doll two. Does the fact that its merely a toy mean I shouldn't fret about the fact that its associated with Waldorf? Or because its associated with Waldorf, I should steer clear of it?

As of right now, its probably my first choice based solely on appearance. Please weigh in on the Waldorf factor too. I've been praying about it, and don't feel as if God's given me an answer, so I'm not sure what to do.

Second choice, at the moment would be doll number one. My only thought, for the patterns I have, and doll number one is maybe they will be to juvenile to quickly? I don't know. Do you have a cute pattern? That you want to share? With moi?

Help!

Anyone Else on Overload?

My brain has been feeling especially full lately. Of everything. Part of the reason I haven't been blogging much. When I am frustrated, I get more sarcastic than usual. A little sarcasm is funny, but a lot is unbecoming and borders on bitter.

I wanted to climb back into bed this morning and "sleep it off", but knew I shouldn't, and we are getting HUGE amounts of rain, which is melting snow, and I had to stay up and listen for the pump in our sump crock. I cleaned up a flooded basement 5 months after we were married, and don't care to do it again, thankyou.

I have it in my head that I should be able to fix things, and have not been trusting God that He can do it. I hate bothering people for things, so guess Who else I've been trying not to bother?

Yep. One morning last week I was checking my e-mail, and can I tell you how much I hate reading headlines? They make my head spin. "Please Lord, this is so depressing, could you give me a verse that will lift my spirits? After reading these and thinking of everything that needs to be done, and how far behind I am in general, I feel like I'm drowning". Before I could even finish my plea, He answered. 1 Peter 5:7. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Not some anxieties, not these few anxieties, but ALL.

So that has been my constant prayer, Lord please take this anxiety, Lord help me cast this (fill in the blank) anxiety on you. And its not easy. I keep things so tightly grasped, I have a hard time letting go. Because I should be able to fix them.

Would you believe one of my anxieties these last few weeks has been what to plant in the garden? I'm not a fan of hybrid plants, I'm not a fan of things being genetically altered, but last years complete and utter failure of a garden has made me a bit fearful of trying heirlooms. I mentioned this to the Lord and He mentioned right back that HE is the one who causes things to grow or not grow. HE is the one who can make those heirloom varieties grow and flourish, when hybrids are being touted as the best for abundant yields. So I am working hard at uncurling my fingers, and letting go, trusting that God cares about my plant choices, and how my garden grows.

I am still feeling like my brain is on overload, I'm still thinking about starting my day with a good cry, simply because it seems like a good idea, even though I'm not a cryer. But I am also thinking about the fact that He cares for me, and I don't have to fix it myself.

Some Psalms to Chew On

The Law of the Lord is perfect,

reviving the soul.

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,

making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right,

giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant,

giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is pure,

enduring forever.

The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.

Psalm 19:7-9

Parent Shepherd

Be a shepherd to God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers- not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be....

Not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being an example to the flock

1 Peter 5:2 (in part)- 3

At 8:30, I already felt myself losing patience. No voice again, and a sore throat. Snotty noses all around, and ear infections. So I stopped. Came down stairs for my Bible, pleading with God for something to raise my spirits and attitude. To remind me again why I am a mama. I decided to finish 1 Peter, which I started devouring Saturday.

He did not fail me. He never does.

A Bit of Colossians 3

                                                           (archive photo from last fall)

...... Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.......

...... Since you have taken off your old self with its practices, and have put on the new self.....

...... Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience........

..... Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts......

...... Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly......

...... And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.......

...... Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men....

...... It is the Lord Christ you are serving......

Blessings to you this Wednesday!

Warmly,

Bonnie

Rejoice

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.   Zephania 3:17
I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. Isaiah 61:10a

Let us rejoice in Him and be glad and give Him the glory! Revelation 19:7a

Therefore my heart is glad, and my tongue rejoices Psalm 16:9a 
And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..." Luke 1:46-47
How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Romans 10:15b
Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! Philippians 3:1a
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Message of the Music

I don't normally get deep on here. Mostly because I don't know how to express what I want to say. I think it all out in my head, but when I try to write it down in some way, its not quite what I intended. That was sort of my disclaimer, if this post doesn't end up making much sense.
I LOVE Christmas music. I have been listening to it for several weeks now, and its funny, I never really paid a whole lot of attention to the words. I heard them, I knew them, but I never thought about them. And they can pack a powerful punch.

~Hark the Herald~
Hark the Herald Angels Sing
Glory to the Newborn King
Peace on Earth and Mercy Mild
GOD AND SINNERS RECONCILED

WOW. one little line that says everything. We've been reconciled to God, all through the birth and death of His son.

~Oh Holy Night~
Oh Holy Night
The Stars Were Brightly Shining
It Was the Night of Our Dear Saviors Birth
LONG LAY THE WORLD IN SIN AND ERROR PINING
'TIL HE APPEARED AND THE SOUL FELT ITS WORTH
A THRILL OF HOPE THE WEARY WORLD REJOICES
FOR YONDER BREAKS A NEW AND GLORIOUS MORN
FALL ON YOU KNEES

The world lay in sin but at that moment He was born, almost a collective sigh of relief was let out. Our Savior is here now. It might get ugly here in the world, but everything will turn out OK in the end, because He will triumph.
And the command to fall on our knees before Him. You fall on you knees in fear or worship, reverence, for so many reasons. And I think most, if not all of them are reason to fall on our knees before the Lord.

~Silent Night~
Silent Night Holy Night
SHEPHERDS QUAKE AT THE SIGHT
Glories Stream from Heaven above
Heavenly Hosts sing Hallelujah

I love that the first people God told about His sons birth were a bunch of dirty, smelly shepherds. Shepherds were not terribly respected. They lived out side and took care of sheep. Most people probably steered clear of them, and made fun of them. Unless they had families of there own, they probably weren't that interested in babies. But this baby was not just any baby, Angels were His birth announcement. And HE came for them. Low down and dirty as they may have been.
God doesn't play favorites in peoples social standings. Those shepherds were just as important to Him as the wealthiest of the wealthy.

~Oh Come All Ye Faithful~
OH COME ALL YE FAITHFUL
JOYFUL AND TRIUMPHANT

This song reminds me of Simeon and Anna at the temple. Simeon waiting patiently after God telling him he would not die until he had seen the Lord's Christ.
Anna, faithfully worshiping day and night in the temple.
The absolute joy and excitement they must've felt, when they lay their eyes on the Messiah, knowing that the long promised saviour had finally come. I get goosebumps just thinking about it! And they, along with the rest of the faithful, can stand JOYFUL and TRIUMPHANT, because Jesus reigns.

~Joy to the World~
Joy to the World
OUR SAVIOUR REIGNS

Our saviour isn't waiting to plan His next strategic move, or to see what the enemy does next. HE REIGNS! He will triumph over all, no matter what happens. What tidings of comfort and joy!

I could keep going, but I won't. I was lamenting at first that we only sing these songs at a certain time of year, but the more I think about it, the more I'm glad that that is the way it is. They are less likely to become "that song we sing" and more likely, if we truly pay attention to the words, become the songs of worship and praise that the writers intended.