Pregnancy "Menu"

I nearly wet my pants,( which isn't hard when your pregnant) I laughed so hard the first time I read this. And it is SO true! I found it again, and just had to share, and hopefully it lines up to make sense!

First Trimester Menu
Appetizer
Tums compote

Entree
Fresh Saltines on a bed of Saltines, lightly seasoned with Saltines

Beverage
Ginger ale (IV drip available upon request)

Dessert
Ten minutes in a dark room with an ice bag on your head
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Second Trimester Menu
Appetizer
Half a roast chicken, extra crispy

Entree*
A succulent leg of lamb smothered in pork chops, served with BBQ ribs and garnished with cheeseburgers (all burnt beyond recognition for your safety)

Beverage
Toll-House pie smoothie , prepared with 1/2 pint heavy cream

Dessert
9"X16" pan of double-fudge brownies
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Third Trimester Menu
(Each course followed by 15-minute neck massage and/or bathroom break)

Appetizer
Three bites of tossed salad

Entree
Two bites of lasagna

Beverage
None- so you'll have room for dessert

Dessert
A Tic Tac

* Double portions available if you're expecting twins